Wednesday, December 18, 2013

How the Grinch ate Christmas

Have you seen my Christmas spirit? It was last seen around December 25, 2012. Rosy-cheeked. Twinkling eyes. Had gift-wrapped boxes in its arms, maybe some bubbly... No? Well, if you find it, please return it to me as soon as possible.

Not really.... [source]

Growing up I was usually the one who took the initiative with the Christmas decorations. I would push for getting a tree shortly after Thanksgiving. I'd wrap the artificial garland around the stairs. My gangling arms would reach up to hang decorations just so, putting up shiny garlands, and once getting trapped under a fallen tree when home alone.

One year I won't forget was when we finally got Christmas lights up on the outside of our house - something my mom and I had wanted all of our existence but it was never done because absent husband/father. My brother and his friend strung the bright white lights up all around the gutter line and, despite the fact that it was just a simple string of lights strung around the gutters, it was the most beautiful thing we'd ever seen. Fortunately for us, we got to enjoy that beauty for years because my brother never climbed back up on that ladder to remove them and us ladies certainly weren't going to do it. So, over the following year the lights went from crisp white to just dirty, no longer a straight line but unhooked and drooping, and not shining because lights burn out when exposed to the elements too long. Needless to say, we never had outside Christmas lights again.

Our house ended up looking something like this but terrible, Grinchless, and not on purpose. [source]

Anyway, for the first time ever, this year we do not have a tree and it feels funny. Part of the issue is, we are tree snobs. It's either a real tree or no tree. I blame it on living in The Evergreen State and, really, my husband. I used to be okay with parking lot trees or fake trees but then I met Kevin. Our first married Christmas we got ours from a beautiful place where trees grow up to be cut down. It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time but once we got it home we saw how there is a big difference between "Christmas trees" and just plain ol', wild trees. Apparently Christmas tree farmers groom those things so they aren't the silhouette of Einstein's head.

2011: A Very Married Christmas courtesy of terrible cell phone photos. Please enjoy the decorated tree that appears to be growing wild in our home.

And last year we did it the proper way by going to a tree farm and paid $20 for a pretty big tree. However, once we got it home we found out that it was a trojan horse filled with spiders and spiders and more spiders.

2012: Apparently I have a Christmas tree getting scarf, hat, and coat. It's like back in school when you wore the same outfit on picture day as the day you got your photos back. I swear I don't wear this ALL THE TIME!

But this year is different. Kevin is hobbled up with a calf injury and I know hiking out to get a tree wouldn't be as fun if I didn't have someone big and strong to carry it out for me. So, this year we will forgo the tree and enjoy everyone else's in-person and via social media.

I did put one small tree out to enjoy. It's about three inches tall and from The Dollar Tree. However, someone with a wet nose and three legs put the kibosh on my tiny, artificial Christmas joy:

2013: Christmas tree situation has significantly gone downhill.

She chewed up the base like a gingerbread cookie, bent it like a Grinchmas tree, and decorated it with some furry garland. I guess Belle is feeling pretty Grinchy too because, unlike most dogs, this is not normal for her. Besides eating some garbage and tin cans, as long as she's been with us she has never chewed up anything that wasn't designated for doggies.

So - if you've got it - please share your Christmas spirit, Reader. Maybe Belle and I can catch your Christmas Fever.


  1. Love reading your blogs! Haha, that wild Christmas tree. Hilarious!

  2. You're a mean one, Miss Chalayn
    You have termites in your smile.
    You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile Miss ChalAYN!
    Given the choice between the two of you I'd pick the, uh

    That is my much belated ode to your Grinchmas. Although I think you've done exceptionally well this Christmas, myself. You handsewed ornaments for an e-friend, found a grumpy cat meme to make us all smile, and didn't eat the coconut curry chocolate before sending it out. Winning and winning and winning.

    PS, can crocodiles get seasick? I feel like there must've been something built within their DNA to prevent such a catastrophe, given that their habitat is, in fact, in the water.

  3. We didn't have a tree last year. This year, I insisted, and I put up the lights outside all by myself, too. I've been wondering if they'll ever come down :)